I miss the good ole days

Wow, so I just thought of posting some thoughts in here, and when I opened my blog, I saw the flood of drafts that I started! Hahahaha!

Anyways, I just wanted to say that I kinda miss the old days. Like, let's not go far back to the early 2000s—even just around 2015 or 2016, when I went backpacking around Southeast Asia. I miss blogging about things and how the internet was all about blogging at that time. Now, everything is on video, and you have to watch and spend your time at the mercy of the video's timeline. Unlike blogs, you can scan and read through everything as fast as you can!

Gahd, I wish I'd get my blogging mojo back!

My Birthday and Why I Don't Tell When It is

I've been bugged by a lot of people asking when my birthday is. But I don't tell when. Nope, not even facebook will tell you when's my birthday. If it does it will give you a wrong one.

See I just want to keep my birthday to my self because of several reasons.

It feels awkward. I do not know how to celebrate birthdays. I do not remember when was the last time my family celebrated my birthday apart from the photo of me when I was still a kid. There's no memory of any celebration anymore.

People forget or maybe they don't just care at all. Believe it or not I have a cousin that has the same birthday as mine. But on that day, only a few remembered that it was my day also. I actually don't know how to feel about this anymore. I never and learned not to celebrate it. There was also this time when a good friend asked when is my birthday. He even felt bad because I wouldn't tell him when it is. But I gave in I told him, it was a week before the day. He forgot.

This is also the reason why I am bad with gifts. Both on receiving and giving end. I rarely receive any gifts so when someone gives one to me, I don't know how to react.

See, birthdays should be something that gives you happiness. For me, it doesn't. If it doesn't give heartaches, it would be just another regular day at the best. Di lang ako mabadtrip ng araw na iyon masaya na ako.

I appreciate those who remember, kahit di exactong date even if it just on the month. Also, I apologize if I don't greet you on your day. It's just that I am not used to celebrating one.

So that is it, the bottom line is... My birthday isn't special. To anyone, and me.

Amazed With Le Grand Cirque In Araneta Coliseum

Yesterday, I was privileged to be invited to watch the Charity Show of Le Grand Cirque, a world class circus act straight from Las Vegas, at the Araneta Coliseum through the generous Binibining Pilipinas Charities of the Araneta Group.

This is really special for me as this is the first time that I will be seeing the historic Araneta Coliseum and an actual Circus live!

We were mesmerized with the death defying acts of the circus' performers while being entertained in between acts by a hilarious mime act while the staff prepares for the next artist's performance. 

The show lasted almost about two hours filled with entertainment fit for the entire family. 

The mime act started the showing followed by a solo Trapeze  act.  Other acts included are jugglers, aerial silk dancing, balancing acts and a whole lot more that the entire family will surely enjoy. Each act surely kept the audience holding on to their seats as it would just pump your adrenaline even though you are just watching the act. 

Let me share with you some of the highlights of that night's performance

You can still catch the show until January 3, 2017 at the big dome, get your tickets now at ticketnet.com.ph. Prices starts at just Php 150.00 for general admissions!

Sanctum Sanctorum.

Sanctum Sanctorum.

Here I am again, to the place  that has ultimately have become the graveyard of my emotions.

These past couple of weeks have been a struggle. That feeling of void that something is missing from who I am is at it again.

I have been scrutinizing and over analyzing my self again, it's a force of habit, sometimes does good but most of the time just drags me and makes me realize that I am a mediocre in everything that I do.

I wish to move on, I know I can do things.

I have come to realize that I am not worth keeping. I feel that I am the only one that keeps on holding on the friendships that I have. I may be wrong but that is how I feel.

A friend told me that I am selfish and much dominant, he may be right but I try my best not to be.

Am I on my way to self destruction and is this the way that I want things to end for my self, out on the gutter.

My plans for the future still is pending, it seems too hard to execute. No one wants to help me thinking I am crazy and too ambitious.

I have this habit of analyzing my self am I good, am I bad, am I too much for someone to stick with?

I guess the point of this post is that I am tired. I am tired of trying to fit in and pleasing people to stick with me and be my friend. Is it too damn hard to find someone who will accept me for who I am? the quirks and obscurities, my idiosyncrasies and peculiarity? I feel that in the end, ultimately, I will be alone.

No one have really seen who I really am, sometimes I even think that I haven't seen the real me to keep the people I care for close, but I am too tired now.

I feel that I am slowly withdrawing my self from society. Started with me deactivating my Facebook, the social glue that binds me and my friends and acquaintances by a thread.  but it seem that a part of me keep on struggling trying to fight finding my self creating accounts that are androgynous.

I hope that I can find my wings again before I come completely crashing down.

My Travel Blog

Hello!
Thanks for dropping by.
If you are looking for my travel blog please head to 
www.brownmantrips.com

cheers!

Pag-asa

sino ka ba para umasa?
sino ka ba para tuparin nya ang mga pangakong
walang laman na katotohanan?
sino ka ba?

Panandalian, pamatid uhaw, pangkalang sa kumakalam
na damdamin.
Ikaw, oo ikaw! Ikaw na buong puso at buong tapat na nagbigay pagpapahalaga
umaasa.

umaasa sa salitang binitiwan tulad ng tayo, kasama at wagas na paulit ulit mong sinasambit
hanggang maililok sa aking puso't isip.

Paano na?
Tapos ka na, Tapos ka na sa pangagnalingan ng pakiramdam na di ka nagiisa, na ikaw ay mahalaga.
Tapos ka na, at eto ako nagiisa.
naglilinis ng naglalawa na damdamin na di kayang saluhin ng pusong nagiisa.

Simula na.
Ito na marahil ang hudyat na dapat ako ay maglakbay na.
Papalayo sa trahedya ng gyera at guho ng pusong umaasa, umasa, aasa.
tama na.

How Dare You Make Me Fall For You

Sometimes, Sorry is the most painful word that you'd hear


When there's nothing more to say, when there's nothing more that can be done.
When everything comes crashing down.
When you are not in control, not the one in command.

How dare you make me fall for you.
Make me cross that horizon that darkness embraces, that I can't see what is beyond

Right when I was about to take that step that I dare not to take,
you push back and tell me that you didn't mean a word you said.

I know that I am broken.
But Honey I'll get over this.
Honey I know I'll bounce.

Honey, I'll bounce.