Phub Idol Poster

Phub Idol is getting more exciting!

Some of them are actually asked me to make posters for the judgment night.

Roxanne and Alexie Manila Ocean Park

Just got Alexie face painted....
Manila Ocean Park
November 2008


There comes a time when you feel so lonely, here it goes again for me.

Sometimes I think that this blog has been taking the beating of my emotions too much, that it does not have a fair share of happy thoughts. But then again, I thank this blog for being there to listen.

There may not be so many or any one replying or commenting to my posts but I know that the world is listening and that is enough for me.

The hardest part of being lonely is being at the middle of a crowd but still feel the same. The people you thought that are your friends are not there any more.

I was talking to an old friend of mine and realized that most of my friends are just reunion friends. I mean nothing bad about that. But it seems like you have them as friends because you see each other. But when you part ways because they move on professionally you don't get to see them any more.

I miss my college friends the ones that I have way back in Bulacan. I just remember having the best of friends that you can have during college days, ironic isn't it? Ironic that you usually have your best friends from highschool. Though I have a best friend from highschool, I haven't seen her so much for the last couple of years because she got married a few years back, and it has been difficult to get our schedule jive now.

I just hope that I could get those kinds of friends again, not that I dont like the friends that I havce now, but its just that I miss those kind of.

Baguio Cathedral

Still in Baguio...

I learned to love the city. I am even considering immigrating to Baguio if I could bring my self to buy that lot in naguilian road.

Well, here is the Baguio Cathedral with its colors manipulated... Just bought my first laptop so now I could explore PS some more :D

Bluer than Blue

"After you go

I can catch uo on my reading
After you go
I'll have a lot more time to sleeping
And when you're gone
Looks like things are gonna be a lot easier
Life will be a breeze you know
I really should be glad

But I'm bluer than blue
Sadder than sad
You're the only light
This empty room has ever had
Life without you is gonna be
Bluer than blue"

It seems that by this time on Friday that would be the song playing on my head over and over. Why? My girlfriend is leaving for Canada.

It is something that we have been hoping and praying for but it seems that all the angst because of waiting, the excitement of knowing it the first time has been all replaced with sadness.

I am sad that I'll be alone now shopping hitting the grocery and in doing everything that I used to do with her. It would be incredibly difficult to shop for new clothes now since I wont have the counsel of her opinions.

Also, because she is leaving I was obligated to buy my own computer that I could use, this time its a laptop. so that I could chat with her any where i am be it in Valenzuela or in my own house.

Yes, it is starting to sink in to me now that I am not able to see her for the next couple of months until I could get there and be with her again.

Baguio August 2008

Had to kill some time while waiting for Roxanne to finish her IELTS test.


Envious, people sometimes becomes and I am not an exemption. There are things in other people's life that I envy.

Is it really a sin to become envious, I mean enviousness is a feeling and it comes to you as a rush of hormones that you cannot control. I feel that Enviousness becomes a sin if you do something sinful to get what you envy for.

I envy people on a lot of things. I envy that they have very good vocabulary. I envy those who can fulfill their dreams because they are really capable of doing such.

People who have money, people who don't have to care about any other thing but them selves so they could move on. But hey, is it really something to be envious about.

Through these hardships I gain experience, I become stronger than most. may be the things that I really am jealous about are the things that I can't have even though I try hard. like wisdom. In that case I just raise my hands to the sky and pray.

Me Time

I know it may be a little to late to talk about this movie. But for the past few days my manager started to send us home an hour earlier than usual, or should I say, with just one hour over time rendered.

Anyways, I started to have a lot of time in my hands. I sleep around eightish in the morning and wake up around say three or past four in the after noon while work is at 8:45 pm. Now I have time to do something for my self.... a little "ME" time.

The movie? Sex and the City.

Friends are there for you anytime that you need them. But then again at times they do things that destroy you as well. but the thing is there a lot of them that really do stick with you through thick and thin.....

I liked the movie a lot but, then again we cannot discount the people we love. I mean our Girlfriends or Boyfriends. We have got to draw the line where friendship ends there are parts of marriage where friends cant just meddle into.

Most of the times when there's a lot of hands into one tub of water it just becomes so blurry. so from time to time we need to distance our selves and deal with things on our own.

Life on its own.

So, I have been living like this for the past few weeks since I joined this new program. I go to work around 8:45PM till about 7:30 - 8:00 in the morning where I get to commute going home about just a few kilometers away from the office... (thank God I live not that far).

So I reach home by about 8:45 AM and try to get some sleep. I try to wake up extra early every other day so that I could go to the gym. like I mentioned in my previous blogs, I started going to the gym to improve on my health condition. Anyways, sometimes I fail going to the gym since i get home really late.

I realized that I need to do something to make my life more meaningful.

I want to do the stuff that I really want to do. like swim more often go to the courts and hit some rackets or maybe learn how to basketball.... my biggest frustration of them all.

I mean, I need to start living the life that I want. I only get to be young once and I would not want to waste it to work alone.

A few days back while talking to an old friend... I realized that there are things that we cant just turn back... like how I reminisce an regret that I should have been more adventurous when I was in high school.

There are things that we must do, because we are only given one chance to live these lives. One chance to do all the things that we can. It is true, when they say that do the things that you want, and not look back thinking "What if" I did?"

Breaking Free to being me

At last! I am back.... back to my real home.... blogspot!

Our IT guys here in the office previously blocked blogspot for reasons i don't really know. So i then utilized more my multiply account since I can also post whatever i post there, here. But now it is wide open again and I wanna thank those IT guys again.

So what is up with me lately? hmmm..... well i haven't blogged so much about how i feel...

I just got transferred to this new account and i would not wanna talk about it. I just miss the people I use to work with. the people in our Meralco site.

There's also this thing going on inside of me that I still need to resolve. I feel that I need to start living the way that I really want to. But how can I do that? I have a college student to put through schooling and some responsibilities at home.

You might be thinking what do I really wanna do?

I wanna but an expensive camera and a laptop and go to places like Sagada, the top of Mt. Pulag, Jolo and other parts never been seen by ordinary people. I want to caputure the lights from these places and tell the world their stories. I wanna tell stories through pictures and music.

I just wanna be.

Reflections 07-18-2008

Don't you dare feel special, because you are not.
Don't you dare feel superior becuase your just as good as the rest of them.
Strive to get to where you want to be and not because you want to get ahead of the rest.
you do not need to be the greatest, you just need to be your best.
take one step at a time, at the pace that you can.
Don't rush everything because God will let everything fall into place.

Stupid deaf people using the phone

I am starting to get pissed off with this thing... I mean you get shout at, mocked and everything. People wouldn't just listen when they ask you to explain everything and then they start talking.
They are just like your mother, you try to explain things but all they hear is blah blah blah.... (sorry for using mothers as an example) but just to get this idea accross how many stupid people are really out there in the world?

The Debut

I have been watching the film "The Debut" for the last couple of days. The film is about a Filipino family who immigrated to the US so that they could give their children better lives, leaving their dreams behind being artists in the Philippines.
Dante who is one of two siblings that the couple raised wants to go to CalArts to study contrary to what his father wants him to be, a doctor.
Ben, thinks that he can be better than everybody else, He hangs out with white boys and doesn't like all the filipino culture going around their household, Until he was at his sister's Debutant Ball.
Ben sneaked out of the party to join his white friends and leave his family for some other party. Everything was going really well until this game that they are playing turns agains him. One of the party guests Identified him as a "chink".
He ran out of the party strugling from the party people dancing in the living room. (this kinda symbolized that he was strugling to get out of the mess that he was in)
Ben then returned to his sister's party and caught his father dedicating a song to his mom and sister. He found out through his uncle that his father was also an artist way back in the Philippines.
His dad and mom decided to move to the US to give them better lives but the consequence was to leave their passion of the arts behind.
When I watch this movie, I thought that when I move to Canada or the US for good, it is a possibility that my lineag would disappear in time. I mean the possibility of my sons and daughters marrying a different race until their sons and daugthers and their son's and duaghter's sons and daughters marry until the Filipino blood within them becomes a fraction of a morsel.
I was also touched by the fact that Ben's parents did everything that they could so that they could give their children a better life. Much like what I wanna do for my kids. though there not much of a art career that i have here in the Philippines. But the thing is, I cant really be into arts due to financial reasons.
When I was in college, I applied at this school where at that time, they were the only one who offers Filmology as a course. But then again I landed at the waiting list because I was not aware that it is a quota course and I didn't made the cut.
Now that I have a job that pays decently, I still cant afford to pursue my dreams. I have a lot of things to take care of. That is the reason also why I need to go to abroad and work so that I could finally settle those things and start living my life.
But to think about it, is it the only solution to the problems that we Filipinos have. Or is it just a good excuse to live a better life. Most people say that it is difficult to live in the United States. You would not have the chance to live a life at all and all that would have to do is just to work. But here in the Philippines I live the same life, I just work and not have so much fun, come to think about it, the only difference is that I work here and get paid decently (meaning I dont get to afford to buy a car and just pay my bills) but in the US I get to work hard and get paid better (I get to buy a car, house and still have some time off to spend those mooolah!).

Well I guess it is both, it is a good excuse and a good solution. like as Mr. Joey Tribianni said "I didn't ask for the solution to this problem to be this great!"

Next Step

So what happens now? Just finished my affiliation program with my school and am just waiting for my final case presentation to get done with school.
My former school mates are actually done with the program and I haven't heard from them for quite sometime already. The last time actually heard about them was they enrolled for basic life support with the Philippine Red Cross.
As for me I plan to study again, this time another language. I am contemplating between French and Spanish. French because I may need it for employment when I move to Canada and Spanish because I know a little bit of it and would be an easier language to learn since Fililpino is about 80% spanish.
Hmmm.... so what do you think I should learn next?

Lifestyle Change

I'm done with my physical therapy sessions at the hospital, but I haven't seen the doctor again to check my back. I am suppose to see her about a week ago but due to some reasons I have not been able to.
I should also be taking some meds for my high cholesterol and hypertension but I haven't been able to as well.
One of the solutions to my situation is to change my lifestyle, as the doctor said, I need to be more active, exercise stop smoking and start eating healthier.
In response to my failing health, I went back to the gym and get some of these flabs off my body. The facility is great, they've got showers, steam bath, lockers and the best thing about my gym is that they would actually give you a program that progresses, not something that you would get stuck for so many weeks. If you are thinking that I am talking about fitness first, well, I am NOT! I am talking about Eclipse its a gym near my house here in Mandaluyong.
It only cost me 1,300.00 since I am also a student. Unlike other gyms that I have been with before, I cannot feel that you have to be well dressed and all that classy to work out. I mean people there work out with sandals or bare footed, not so much of fancy shoes can be seen worn.
The gym's equipments doesn't have so much machines instead they promote using Free weights since they claim that these are more effective.
Over all I am very happy with eclipse and people there are warm and friendly that makes you wanna work out everyday!

Health Check

I was experiencing a lot of back pain for the last 2 weeks so I went to see a doctor at UST to consult my pain.

Went to a general practicioner first, Dra. Maria Piedad Natividad who very well reminds me of Addisson Montgomery (Shepard). She was very classy and beautiful. She also speaks well and listens to what you have to say too. I like her already.

So she checked on what was going on with my pain at my back and found out that I have muscle problems and I needed to see a Physical Therapist. So she referred me to the Rehabilitative Medicine Department of the hospital.

I was examined by Dra. Suarez and decided that I need a series of Physical Therapy so that I could correct my lower back which was agravated by my very tight hamstrings. The therapist said that my hamstrings are too tight (especially my right leg) that causes my pelvis to twist which causes my pain at my lower back.

Okay so I am on theraphy now... but when Dra. Natividad took my blood pressure, she noticed that it was high gor my age. She then asked me to go fasting for 12 hours for some laboratory exams.

Went back to the hospital the following day and took the exams. My girlfriend was the one who claimed the result. the doctor then asked us to go back and see her after a week or two.

Step Two

At last I have set foot once again to the land of dreams of the brownman.

As I checked the last time that I blogged was on February. Such a long time.

Welcome back

It is officially 3:34 AM Manila, I am right in front of a borrowed computer here in the office.

If I am not mistaken, I have logged my last blog last November. Yes it has been a while now. It was not because I have no time, no opportunity and no strength at all to blog. It is because I had no inspiration at all!

I have been in a creative vacuum for the last few months. The reason?

last November my computer broke down and had to be fixed. The hard drive of the computer wasn't responding anymore so I had to dump it to trash.

I tried fixing my computer by using my external hard drive that I use for stroing my files. Unfortunately my efforts were futile since the installer that I was using was defective.

So at that point I decided to bring my computer at the nearest computer repair shop that I could find that looks reputable. At the shop, they backed up all of my files and had my hard disk reformated. It took a few hours (actually I was there from 2pm till the time the shop closed) to actually back-up all the files, format the HD, install the OS then put back the files that we backed up.

Once fixed I went home light hearted, thinking that everything has been fixed already and since I haven't bought memory just yet I can't actually check the computer.

The following day I went straight to the mall and bought memory for my desktop only find out that I have all 30G of my pictures files is gone!

I felt horrible the very, It felt like all of the memories that i have safely kept is gone! Thoughts like, what will i show my daughter if she asks how do I look like when I was a baby. It really felt horrible, traumatic if you may.

So why am I blogging now?

I accidentally told my story to an IT personnel in the company that i work for. Then he said that he'll fix my HD, and he did, gave him a few hours then all of my vital pics are there! It even cost nothing much since i onlyl had to feed them pizza.... hahahaha

well then I learned my lesson. do not be so comfortable with computer shops! you can never trust them..... Also upload your photos online.... saved most of my photos thanks to Multiply!

There still are a lot of the 30 gig to be recovered but at least I have my daughter's precious photos already!

So I guess its a welcome back for me...