everyday i feel the pain inside of me. I cant stop thinking about you. If it was hard for me to think about how you are doing its even more difficult not to think about you.

nakakabaliw na hindi ko na makaya pero kailangan.

The world as I know it ended the day that you said goodbye as all of the dreams that I have built was around you I didn't knew that you were like a sand and on you I built them but then the waves came and took them all along you.

ang sakit sakit na pero wala akong magawa dahil tinapos mo na dead end na kung baga. sana makabangon pa ako.

mahirap kase wala nang direksyon ang buhay ko ngayon di ko alam kung saan ako tutungo dahil dati ang goal ko ay mapaligaya ka at makasama ka habang buhay ngunit ngayon paano na.

paano na? yan ang tanong ko araw araw kung paano haharapin ang bawat bukas.

Vanila Twilight

Just listen


woke up alone in my bed still longing for your warm arms to hold me tight through the night
I still remember the way that looked at me and smile the first time i saw you
the days we spent away from the crowd is hard not to reminise the good times that we shared the laughters that we laughed together still runs in my mind

but then again I'd wake up from these dreams that you are still mine realizing that you're now far away from me being held by another's arms and not mine
oh how Id wish I was there to hold you near my heart

situations changed you chose to walk away and I stand here in the rain alone with a broken heart but nobody notices that tears fall down my eyes because the rain is so damn hard

we chose to be silent, silently let our hearts bleed wiping the mess so that no one would see how our hearts are so broken apart. should I go or should I wait either way its going to be painful.

I cannot teach my heart not to love you because to forget you is to forget how to breath and live again. I have built my life and dreams around you now where should I go?

Do you know me?

Do you know me? or the more important question right now is do I know me?

the past months have been life changing for me. All of my dreams is now in limbo or may be worst gone. I don't really know where its going to go.

Last April 8, 2010 the day that should have been one of the best days of my life became the worst. That was the day when I got my US visa approved after a long time of preparing for it.

But on that same joyous day, I woke up around past 8 pm because of a text message. She was asking me what happened to my visa application and that if it was for Canada or the US. I was trying to call her but she wouldn't answer. Then I asked her don't you want me calling you. She answered back but avoiding my question. So I kept on asking till she finally said "Yes, I'm sorry".

I asked her what was the sorry for, then she answered back starting with a reminder that the package that she sent already was at their house in Marikina then she dropped the bomb. She said if we could cool things off a bit.

I was devastated, I started calling her but she wouldn't answer still but I kept on calling until she finally did. She said that this is the best thing for the both of us.

I could understand how it is going to be good for us and that I could fulfill my dreams if we do this just like how she said.

im sorry i cant seem to finish this blog its too painful for me. forgive me readers if i have to leave it like this unfinished.