I miss the good ole days

Wow, so I just thought of posting some thoughts in here, and when I opened my blog, I saw the flood of drafts that I started! Hahahaha!

Anyways, I just wanted to say that I kinda miss the old days. Like, let's not go far back to the early 2000s—even just around 2015 or 2016, when I went backpacking around Southeast Asia. I miss blogging about things and how the internet was all about blogging at that time. Now, everything is on video, and you have to watch and spend your time at the mercy of the video's timeline. Unlike blogs, you can scan and read through everything as fast as you can!

Gahd, I wish I'd get my blogging mojo back!

My Birthday and Why I Don't Tell When It is

I've been bugged by a lot of people asking when my birthday is. But I don't tell when. Nope, not even facebook will tell you when's my birthday. If it does it will give you a wrong one.

See I just want to keep my birthday to my self because of several reasons.

It feels awkward. I do not know how to celebrate birthdays. I do not remember when was the last time my family celebrated my birthday apart from the photo of me when I was still a kid. There's no memory of any celebration anymore.

People forget or maybe they don't just care at all. Believe it or not I have a cousin that has the same birthday as mine. But on that day, only a few remembered that it was my day also. I actually don't know how to feel about this anymore. I never and learned not to celebrate it. There was also this time when a good friend asked when is my birthday. He even felt bad because I wouldn't tell him when it is. But I gave in I told him, it was a week before the day. He forgot.

This is also the reason why I am bad with gifts. Both on receiving and giving end. I rarely receive any gifts so when someone gives one to me, I don't know how to react.

See, birthdays should be something that gives you happiness. For me, it doesn't. If it doesn't give heartaches, it would be just another regular day at the best. Di lang ako mabadtrip ng araw na iyon masaya na ako.

I appreciate those who remember, kahit di exactong date even if it just on the month. Also, I apologize if I don't greet you on your day. It's just that I am not used to celebrating one.

So that is it, the bottom line is... My birthday isn't special. To anyone, and me.

Amazed With Le Grand Cirque In Araneta Coliseum

Yesterday, I was privileged to be invited to watch the Charity Show of Le Grand Cirque, a world class circus act straight from Las Vegas, at the Araneta Coliseum through the generous Binibining Pilipinas Charities of the Araneta Group.

This is really special for me as this is the first time that I will be seeing the historic Araneta Coliseum and an actual Circus live!

We were mesmerized with the death defying acts of the circus' performers while being entertained in between acts by a hilarious mime act while the staff prepares for the next artist's performance. 

The show lasted almost about two hours filled with entertainment fit for the entire family. 

The mime act started the showing followed by a solo Trapeze  act.  Other acts included are jugglers, aerial silk dancing, balancing acts and a whole lot more that the entire family will surely enjoy. Each act surely kept the audience holding on to their seats as it would just pump your adrenaline even though you are just watching the act. 

Let me share with you some of the highlights of that night's performance

You can still catch the show until January 3, 2017 at the big dome, get your tickets now at ticketnet.com.ph. Prices starts at just Php 150.00 for general admissions!

Sanctum Sanctorum.

Sanctum Sanctorum.

Here I am again, to the place  that has ultimately have become the graveyard of my emotions.

These past couple of weeks have been a struggle. That feeling of void that something is missing from who I am is at it again.

I have been scrutinizing and over analyzing my self again, it's a force of habit, sometimes does good but most of the time just drags me and makes me realize that I am a mediocre in everything that I do.

I wish to move on, I know I can do things.

I have come to realize that I am not worth keeping. I feel that I am the only one that keeps on holding on the friendships that I have. I may be wrong but that is how I feel.

A friend told me that I am selfish and much dominant, he may be right but I try my best not to be.

Am I on my way to self destruction and is this the way that I want things to end for my self, out on the gutter.

My plans for the future still is pending, it seems too hard to execute. No one wants to help me thinking I am crazy and too ambitious.

I have this habit of analyzing my self am I good, am I bad, am I too much for someone to stick with?

I guess the point of this post is that I am tired. I am tired of trying to fit in and pleasing people to stick with me and be my friend. Is it too damn hard to find someone who will accept me for who I am? the quirks and obscurities, my idiosyncrasies and peculiarity? I feel that in the end, ultimately, I will be alone.

No one have really seen who I really am, sometimes I even think that I haven't seen the real me to keep the people I care for close, but I am too tired now.

I feel that I am slowly withdrawing my self from society. Started with me deactivating my Facebook, the social glue that binds me and my friends and acquaintances by a thread.  but it seem that a part of me keep on struggling trying to fight finding my self creating accounts that are androgynous.

I hope that I can find my wings again before I come completely crashing down.

My Travel Blog

Hello!
Thanks for dropping by.
If you are looking for my travel blog please head to 
www.brownmantrips.com

cheers!

Pag-asa

sino ka ba para umasa?
sino ka ba para tuparin nya ang mga pangakong
walang laman na katotohanan?
sino ka ba?

Panandalian, pamatid uhaw, pangkalang sa kumakalam
na damdamin.
Ikaw, oo ikaw! Ikaw na buong puso at buong tapat na nagbigay pagpapahalaga
umaasa.

umaasa sa salitang binitiwan tulad ng tayo, kasama at wagas na paulit ulit mong sinasambit
hanggang maililok sa aking puso't isip.

Paano na?
Tapos ka na, Tapos ka na sa pangagnalingan ng pakiramdam na di ka nagiisa, na ikaw ay mahalaga.
Tapos ka na, at eto ako nagiisa.
naglilinis ng naglalawa na damdamin na di kayang saluhin ng pusong nagiisa.

Simula na.
Ito na marahil ang hudyat na dapat ako ay maglakbay na.
Papalayo sa trahedya ng gyera at guho ng pusong umaasa, umasa, aasa.
tama na.

How Dare You Make Me Fall For You

Sometimes, Sorry is the most painful word that you'd hear


When there's nothing more to say, when there's nothing more that can be done.
When everything comes crashing down.
When you are not in control, not the one in command.

How dare you make me fall for you.
Make me cross that horizon that darkness embraces, that I can't see what is beyond

Right when I was about to take that step that I dare not to take,
you push back and tell me that you didn't mean a word you said.

I know that I am broken.
But Honey I'll get over this.
Honey I know I'll bounce.

Honey, I'll bounce.  

Remembering What I Learned From Friends

When I was younger I often watch American TV shows. My favorite shows are Melrose Place - until mom prohibited me from watching it because of some well a lot of scenes, Beverly Hills 90210, Baywatch and of course who didn't watch, FRIENDS.

I was amazed how these group of people live in a place without their parents or relatives but just their friends. I figured out that they were around thirty-ish year old guys, I mean they have a job and can stand on their own, they seem to be stable so I guess 30 is a good figure.

And oh yeah, this made me want to live in New York before.

I romanticized with the possibility of me living alone without anyone just me and my house, my own rules with no oppositions. I can do whatever I can.

This I remember earlier this day. Thank God for letting me remember.

source

should have spent more time trying to be famous... LOL
see my TV appearance here

For the past few years I got the feeling of my life has gone no where because of a broken relationship that was the foundation of my plans. A wife, my kid, those white picket fences, that big red door and a swing hanging up on the tree in my yard. I was feeling I am too old to start a new, but FRIENDS reminded me that I am wrong. I am just starting my life.

I realized that I grew up and matured way too fast, got too serious too soon. Not that I am saying that it is bad nor that I regret it, but it was the reason why I missed a lot of things that I could have done with my hands clean.

Maybe I should have balanced my future plans and my right now plans. I falter on the latter, I just thought of tomorrow, when I was at my right now. The result, I didn't live a life on my right now moments and when my future plans crumbled, nothing was to lived for at all. Devastated, I had to start back at 1.

or maybe explored the world some more! maybe ill write another post about my should have beens :)

But then again, FRIENDS told me that life begins at 30 (at least that is what I percieve), when you should have the most freedom that you can get, the time that you have enough strength yet responsible enough with your adventures in life. It is a time that you can be who you want to be and are.

This is life as I want it to be, no need to rush.

Words For The Young (and I mean like you 20 plus year old kids)

I guess the best thing that I have learned is to balance your future plans and how you live your life at the moment. Be thrifty but do not deprive your selves. Reward your selves, do the things that you can do, do not delay. Then again, prepare for the rainy days. Invest -should have learned this earlier in life, don't just save.

Don't be afraid to play.

Today I start my life again. with a new mindset, a new view in life.

Life is how you want to see it.

This is me now.

Recognizing my Humanity

it's okay to feel sad, angry, cheated or whatever that it is you feel, I tell my self. They are emotions, they make you human , without emotions you are just an animal or maybe even just an insect.

Today I recognized my humanity. I stayed quite and think. I feel - sad, angry and alone.

In the end it will only be me who will stand for me in times of trouble just as how it always happens.

have i forgotten how to feel loved or have i ever felt it before, do I even know how it is. A different kind of love.

The Past And The Future

Today, I stand in the middle of the past and future. The year that was and the year that will be.

Looking back I thank the Lord of the massive ways that he has shown how he moves in my life. How he tells that I am here, do not be afraid. He has manifested his presence in so many ways this year things that changes at the nick of time, that only he can do.

I thanks God for letting me travel with family and friends. The experience is truly priceless, from Dad's first trip abroad, an island getaway with friends and secluded beach escape with office mates.

I thank God for giving the chance to work again and validate that I can still do it.

I thank God for my Family.

This year may not be perfect just like any year that would come but we must make sure that we make the most out of it.

2015 is going to be my year for valuing my self and preparing for long term goals.

I aim to shoot more weddings and practice my photography more than ever.
I am to buy a good computer for editing, a backup camera and other things that I need to shoot better.
I aim to save money for my US Trip.
I am to lose weight and become fit.(wag magreact for health reasons ito... ang hirap na kaya huminga)

Lastly, Travel.

Travel may be the last priority for me this 2015 as it will be my prep year for an epic travel across the continental North and Central America.

How about you? What are your plans?

Days Of Christian Prosecution: A Call For Prayer and Action, Specially For Catholics

Today the Christian church faces prosecution, again. When Christianity started growing in its early years they were heavily prosecuted by the Roman Emperors until the time of Constantine, the first Christian emperor of Rome ordered that Christians should be tolerated.

In these early days after the Apostles of Christ on Pentecost received the Gift of Tongues (where they were able to speak in different languages), went out and spread the good news of Christs establishing churches (a group of believers) most of which still exist today. These churches that the other Apostles founded (ex. Paul, Andrew, Peter, John) went as far east and north from Jerusalem in places such as Africa, Lebanon and yes Iraq and Syria, where the ISIS (Islamic State of Iraq and Syria) are prosecuting Christians right now.

Special Call For Catholics 

Why am I calling specially to Catholics. Christianity in Syria and Iraq dates back to the days of the Apostles and these churches that continues to exist such as the Chaldean Catholic Church (planted by the Apostle St. Thomas) in Iraq and the Syriac Catholic Church (planted by St. Peter the Apostle). These churches may celebrate the Mass in different ways (Maronite, Eastern Catholic Rite or Liturgy of St. James the Apostle) but they are our brothers that are in communion with the Bishop of Rome, The Pope.

I call that we pray for them who do not forsake their Christian faith even on the shadows of death. I ask our Christian brothers to pray for your fellow Christians that are prosecuted in these countries.

Let Us Pray

Lord God, in the mighty Name of your only begotten Son, Jesus, we pray for our brothers and sisters in the prosecuted land of Syria and Iraq. Protect them from the dangers and prosecution from professing their faith in You.

Amen.

Weight Loss Struggle: How I Learned The Difference of KCal and Cal The Hardway

It has been proven that every time I get my self to work in a corporate..... well... call center setting that I gain weight, that is a fact. Of all the times that I have gain weight this is the worst weight problem that I have encountered.

When I started working for my current company I weighed about 180 pounds with clothes on. Today, I last weighed my self at about less than 200 pounds.

I am really alarmed with my weight and I am really worried. Each time I fly I feel this difficulty of breathing when I slouch, I can't sleep with my seat reclining on a plane. It feels like my stomach is pressing hard on my lungs and heart causing the shortness of breath, even if I have stopped smoking casually for months now. I have difficulty tying my shoes or reaching for the edge of my pants to fold it the way I want to.

It is scaring me.

I don't want to die fat.

I tried and still trying to go on a specific diet and because I have a hyper-acidic stomach, I cant make my self starve or go on a lemon juice like diet. As per my doctors advice I can now only drink either Milk or Water. I actually have dramatically dropped drinking sodas, like as in rare. I do not crave for it when I eat.

Instead of Tea Drinks that are high on sugar I cut down my rice intake and alter my lunch food with sandwiches instead of full meals. Since that I cant take anything but milk, I keep my self hydrated in the office with at least two packs of Oishi Oaties.

This milk product is called Oaties because it has finely ground oats mixed with the milk. Then one time out of now where I decided to look at the label and read the nutritional facts. My jaw dropped I was chugging down two packs of 200Kcal a day that is a total of 400,000 calories a day!!! Mind you the recommended daily allowance each day is just 2,000 calories. I stopped by that time I have gained at least fifteen pounds.

Now I continue my battle, I am even thinking of consulting a doctor because maybe there is something wrong with me that no matter how I go on a diet or exercise for that matter I would still gain weight. Well I hope nothing serious.

I am going back to they gym to run at least 45 minutes a day. I will try to work more on my diet... though I don't know what to eat anymore. Seriously, I am scared now at this point.

I hope that I could lose weight soon. Not just for my looks but most importantly for my own functionality and health.

For Good

For the first time I don't know how to handle my emotions, this, is one of the things I fear in my life.

I found this song to mean something but after talking to a friend I was told about the things that I knew it just hit me.

It could have been easier if the situation was that the people that I need to forget just died or nothing ever happened.

How do you ever forget about a daughter? How do you let go?

Can somebody just shoot me.............. 

Tong Printers: Reliable Printer Repair Shop

Good service deserves a good review and this is what Tong Printers deserve.

A couple of days ago I thought of having one of my dead printers repaired so that I could use something to print documents so I searched all over the net to find a good repair shop that is near my place. I texted one of them and I got a reply back asking some more details, they asked me if it still turns on, I said no. They replied back and told me that if it doesn't turn on it would be better for me to buy a new one instead. I really appreciate the fact that they didn't ask me to come over just to tell me that they'll check and eventually charge me with some.

I searched for my other broken printer and checked if it still powers up and it does! The next day I brought both of my printers to their shop so we could repair one and have the other become a spare part.

As soon as I got to their small booth they inquired more about what happened and told me about how they work if they are able to fix it they will charge 400 pesos and if not a diagnostic fee of 200 pesos is asked, I say that is fair enough. If there are parts that need to be replaced it would be charged separately, good thing I didn't threw my old printer away.

After they fixed my printer they asked me if I would like to have my continuous ink set up properly for a fee of 200 pesos and I said sure! I wanted to bring home my printer in good working condition and I don't want to think about setting it up anymore and yeah the price really is fair enough, not only that but they also made a waste tank for my printer's ink so that it wont overflow in the printer.

I brought my printer without any ink so they asked me if I wanted to buy some and I said yes but they used their ink cartridge to make sure that my printer is working first to make sure that the ink wouldn't just go to waste, now that's honesty!

I am really satisfied how they handled my concerns and even gave me information that would help me maintain my printer working properly and I really appreciate that! I wouldn't hesitate coming back to this place for my printer needs

Here are their details if you'd like to give them a visit.

The kid that killed it with a One Direction Song

Okay first off I AM NOT A ONE DIRECTION FAN but I am of this kid!

Incredible control with the perfect song for his voice and yeah him being in love really shows in how he sang this song. So here's Lorenzo Miguel Sinco.... I think we just heard the grand winner here... just need to work on his charms though....

enjoy

Guest Post: Cool styles for men

I've been looking to do some shopping lately but I just simply could not find clothes that I liked anywhere. Stylish clothing for men isn't easy to find. I was browsing online and found these cool styles for men.

Button-down shirts:
Instead of a regular t-shirt, we could opt for a casual button-down shirt. A shirt like this one on Ryan Gosling is not too formal but at the same time it wouldn’t make us look sloppy like a t-shirt would.

Leather jackets:
A leather jacket has the ability to transform any guy into looking almost as cool as James Dean. If not James Dean, at the very least, we could look as cool as Cam Gigandet does in his leather jacket (even with that baby sling).

Plain white tee:

There’s something about the plain white tee that creates an effortless, cool look. While the t-shirt is casual, the white gives a crisp, clean look which prevents us from looking dull and sloppy.

Tug of War.

There's this tug of war again in my head.

Photography.
Stability.
Photography.
Stability

Who will win? I see people living their dreams but I have a family to put up with. Only me will support me.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
. and them.......

It is difficult. I want to do the things I am passionate about. But I can't.

Should I just deem them as

Delusions of Grandeur.

A Travelers Message

Let me start by saying that I don't really know or have even met the guy on the photo but this I tell you he has reminded me of something really important. 

I remember seeing my news feed with him posting photos of him checking in at the airport excited about going on his trip. After that there was silence, while at the office I checked my phone and noticed a photo from his wall it looked creepy and I told my self "parang sa patay naman yan". It was a photo where his photo is on a table and there are flowers around it but it looked as if it was just incidental that his photo was there so I dismissed the thought. The following day, sad news broke out to the travel community, our friend and travel buddy has left us. I was left dumb founded, all along what I was seeing grieving friends already tagging him on their posts. 

I was like in denial for a bit, I was thinking hey that couldn't be! I just saw him posted something the other day! But to my dismay, it is true he has left us. 

It woke me up from being reluctant again on doing the things that I want. His message is simple, Do the things that you can do now, life is short and you don't know when it will end.

Thank you Amer and bon voyage.

A Step Back To The Drawing Board

I had to step back. After a couple of days of dieting and losing a couple of kilos, from 95 kilos the last time that I weighed now I am at 92 kilos. However, I had to stop. I felt ill because of the weather, I felt like I was about to have a fever while coughing and my nose running with colds.

I would have to stop for the moment and find another way how to do this because the diet that I tried doesn't fit me because I have hyper acidity and the acidity of the lemon aggravates my situation causing acid reflux. So yes I have to find new ways.

Any suggestions anyone? please?

Day 1 Getting Used To The Taste

Day 1
Weight 95Kilos

It's my first day. The taste is not that great because of the Cheyenne Pepper but I think I can manage. Towards the end of the day I think my bowel movement improved already. I just hope I'd start loosing weight.